Politics at the holidays: Five tips to manage difficult conversations with family

Transcript

[Professor Alain Lempereur speaking in front of an abstract painting]

When we have family reunions, could be about Thanksgiving for example. Sometimes we are a little anxious. We wonder if any hot topic like politics will not come and bother us at the table.

So let me list a few tips that maybe could help you in this situation.

So let's start with the first one. Remember to have fun.

Well, not fake fun. It's really real fun, authentic fun and you know the best indicator that it is really fun? Is that you feel it's fun and you feel the joy of being there. And you haven't seen some of your parents for a long time and you know I look at my son and the simple fact that I see the mama, I know I'm happy and and feel that strong happiness because that's how you are yourself that's where you are in full power of your own being.

Let's say that you're really getting angry that's really like well the second tip is is necessary It's the step up, step back. It's increasing your mindfulness.

See that it's happening that something triggered your attention right someone said something that you really didn't like and look at this thought, be aware of what these feelings and thoughts are at that time. And then next step, be very good at what the FBI calls in their investigation L (squared) - look and listen. It's not simply about listening actively listening as we say it. No, it's really active perceiving.

Be with your own being with the other side. And what does that mean? That means that yes lowering down the internal voice the voice of judgment and really try to take in what you understand the other side is saying. And it is not easy to understand because you feel like judging, right? Let's say the other side has an opinion, political opinions that you really don't like. Remember it's not about the opinions you don't like - it's about the person you like it's about the person you love and that you want to understand. Explore.

Ask questions. Demonstrate to the other side that you you really get what they are saying. Be curious. It's so hard to be curious when we don't like someone else's opinions, right? Explore further and then you see the moment the other side feels listened to, that's time for the next step and that's the step of active speaking. You see the way active listening works is that I'm listening really, connecting with the other side. Active speaking is exactly the same, right?

The first move is about active perceiving, the second move, the next move is about active persuading. Developing you know, your viewpoint, in ways that is relevant to the other side.

And let's say that maybe your emotions or their emotions are really running high - that should be an indicator, inside of your, you know, emotional thermometer, right?

To take a break - you need to go to the bathroom or you maybe need to make a call - whatever it is because you will be able to come back to that setting to the table in ways where you feel good about - focus on yourself and how you could come back happier to the dinner table.

Most of all have fun during the holidays and enjoy them!