Serenity Needed at the Kotel
Aug. 19, 2016
By Risa Miller
Editor's note: Earlier this summer, Fresh Ideas posted two blogs that showed differing viewpoints of women’s prayer at the Kotel. One, "A Conversation with Anat Hoffman," illustrated the viewpoint of Women of the Wall. Another by Norma Baumel Joseph, "Why Should We Give Up the Kotel," showed the differing viewpoint of the Original Women of the Wall as they disagree with some of the compromises made by WOW. Here, Risa Miller, offers another opinion different from both Hoffman or Joseph.
Earlier this summer, I returned home to Brookline after visiting family in Jerusalem and sightseeing in Vienna. Before the trip, I treated myself to a slick, compact carry-on, which made the walk through the airports easier and lighter. Not true for my poor husband who shlepped his old fashioned, plus-size carry on, big enough for the regular sundries — and of course big enough for his tallis and tefillin.
The tallis and tefillin are a bit of an airport talking point. He's gobsmacked the security in Heathrow and once — oddly — he got a complete pass at the tiny Campbeltown airport in Scotland. I do not envy him his tallis or his tefillin. They are part of a man's nature as well as his challenge.
His tallis is wool. Wearing it can be hot but he has to wear it year round even when the air conditioning fails in the shul. Tefillin? Well, when my sons were bar-mitzvah'ed, they couldn't wait to put on their own pair, but the bloom was off the rose pretty quickly. New tefillin straps hurt and the boys had welts on their arms for the rest of the morning; it takes years to soften the leather. But the obligation is profound. I hear my sons' non-negotiable challenge during mornings of on-duty childcare or during those before-crack-of-dawn medical school rotations.
It is their obligation, not their "right." Not something they do to make themselves feel better or more connected, but because it's understood that this what they do to address the spiritual needs of a man. The way I see it, men need external trappings as an entry point to prayer, the way soldiers need uniforms or the college band needs epaulets on their shoulders. I believe women are innately more spiritual and don’t need so many props to imagine themselves into a situation or to make connections and affirmations.
I can't speak about gender roles better than the renowned Torah scholar Tziporah Heller. In her fine book with the resonant title, "Our Bodies, Our Souls," she emphasizes that "Judaism maintains that G-d created men and women inherently... differen... " Then, she reminds us that G-d created our bodies to express our souls. (Not such an unfamiliar idea, I think, and perhaps the underlying assumption in the world of transgender advocacy.) Because of the way people are inside, women need one type of spirituality and men need another. Yes, Heller says, of course there is individuality across gender lines, but she cautions not to glorify exception without affirming the norm.
It is with this in mind that I consider the arguments for and against women wearing tallis and tefillin at the Kotel. And, I offer yet another point of view. The last few times I was at the Kotel for Rosh Chodesh, the clamor about "exception" that is, tallis and tefillin for women, abounded with lots of loud ruckus and pageantry from the Women of the Wall. But, I just want to pray. With so much clamor, I could not think, concentrate or pray. My request to the Women of the Wall to be mindful of others was hotly spurned. It occurred to me that the clamor was more about equality than spirituality.
What is prayer anyhow but connection with the Creator? The locus of the prayer service for men and women both is the Amidah prayer, recited silently with moving lips. By oneself. Appropriately, the role model for this prayer is the biblical Hannah, not a man wearing a tallis or tefillin.
Risa Miller holds an MFA from Emerson College and has published two novels with St. Martin’s Press, "Welcome to Heavenly Heights" and "My Before and After Life," as well as numerous short stories, essays and book reviews. She is a recipient of the PEN New England "Discovery" Award and has taught fiction writing at Grub Street, UMass, Bar Ilan University and Emerson College.